So Happy

that R.E.M. was on Sesame Street this morning. Terrible concert (realize I'm dating myself), but great memories of the 80's...plus, MG loved watching them, confirming she's my child.

How the Circus Came to the House of Laird

I've been thinking about this for a few days and finally decided the story should be told. I'll be as brief as possible. :)

We got married in 1996 and started trying to have kids a couple years later. No pregnancy. I was given the "pcos" diagnosis, probably for lack of anything else. I don't ovulate. Tried a few rounds of clomid, no success. I seriously can't remember year we first did IVF because:

a: it was so freaking long ago

b: I was such a total emotional disaster by then those years are a blur

c: my mind is currently taken over by schedules and simply making it through one more day.

Anyway, it was probably 6-7 years ago and it didn't work. We had three frozen embryos left over, did a FET a few months later which resulted in a pregnancy and early miscarriage. Our next round of IVF was in 2003 and resulted in singleton pregnancy and sweet AC arrived in 2004 (textbook pregnancy). No frozen embryos left over this time, so J and I got greedy for a bigger family a couple years ago and do one more round of IVF. Positive pregnancy test and another early miscarriage, but there were frozen embryos left over (docs and us pretty surprised). We transferred three frozen embryos March 2007 and all three decided to stick around to see how fun it would be to live with us. IV, EL, and MG waited 34+ weeks to make their entrance (I'll do a pregnancy post later, although it's a bit boring).

As any of you w/pregnancy or lack thereof have experienced, the fertility road is long with lots of enormous potholes. I am not pleased with how I handled the first 3 years, becoming someone my husband did NOT marry. Everything changed one day though, when one day (after yet another round of a worthless IUI didn't work) I was crying and praying in our guest bedroom. I hit a crossroads in my faith where I needed to decide that if God was really God, then He is in charge of us having children (or not having children) and it really wasn't my burden. This doesn't mean I didn't mourn any longer, but it does mean the weight and pressure and stress and freak-out of "what if we can't have kids??" was considerably lessened. It was still another 3 years before we would have a pregnancy and the eventual arrival of AC, but those years resulted in great maturity and a renewal of my relationship with J. Did I still cry sometimes? Of course. Did I find an excuse to skip a baby shower or two? Of course. It was just easier. With AC's IVF, I went to just about every appointment by myself (totally relaxed and not expecting J to go with me at all) and felt so sorry for the couples in there, waiting nervously and grade-A stressed out to see how many follicles would be there, if at all, or what the blood test would show. They were so sad, like zombies, and I remember being like that. I'm so thankful we don't have to do that anymore.

12 Years

So I previously mentioned J and I went out for wings to celebrate our 12th anniversary and it was good. We aren't overly sentimental...actually we just aren't sentimental, so it was a perfect evening for us. LOTS of conversation, which hadn't happened in awhile and for 4 very cute reasons. This year was understandably challenging for the marriage, but life (read: kidlets) are getting easier every month and sometimes we can use words besides "diaper/formula/bottles/burp cloth/spit-up" and other grunts. Anyway, during the course of our date-night discussion, J and I started talking about being sappy (I am not - I prefer fart cards for valentine's day) and how he wouldn't mind it if perhaps 2% of me was...ummm...hmmm...is affectionate the right word? Why am I asking you? We'll go with affectionate.

Because of that, the following will be an affectionate post for my sweet husband and it is all heartfelt and true:
I fell in love with you when I first saw you. I firmly believe that God had your family move here for such a short amount of time so we could meet and always be together. Every day I am amazed at what God has given me and am so thankful to have someone who mostly understands me and still sticks around for more. You are one of the most intelligent people I know and you absolutely are the most loyal and rock-steady. I love you desperately, even though I'm not cuddly.

Always and Forever,

Kitty

A little sad (and this is totally pathetic)

J and I celebrated our 12th anniversary a night early and, while we had a great time eating too many wings, it was a little depressing for me to come home. You see, our usual babysitter leaves for college soon and we LOVE HER!!!! She lives right across the street and I can't even tell you how many times I've called her to come over for anywhere from 5 minutes to 1/2-hour. We've been unbelievably spoiled and it's ending. Yes, there are other babysitters in the neighborhood, but no one like M. She doesn't take any junk from the kids (not that the trips offer too much yet, but they don't frazzle her), she taught AC how to write her name in one night, she got AC to go potty at someone else's house (had NEVER happened before), blah, blah, blah. She has a car seat for AC permanently in her car and the two of them will just go on errands together. It's very sad and, yes, I realize I'm being selfish. In fact, a not-so-small part of me wishes M had chosen to go to a school in town (purely for my benefit). But COME ON!!!!

Pics help make it real

MG - 9 months (18 lb and change at her checkup). The pic doesn't show her personality well, but let's just say she has one and it isn't small. Toy thief, jabber box, expert crawler, her sister's favorite, probably b/c they have the same character traits.

EL - 9 months (hasn't had her checkup yet, but she's chasing 20 lbs). Very sweet, can't crawl yet, usually a fan favorite b/c she'll smile for anyone, has the loudest glass-shattering-freak-out screech I've ever heard (and therefore NOT her big sister's favorite).

IV - 9 months (20 lbs, a few oz). Sluggo is also a toy thief, crawler/climber, spitter-upper of epic proportions (only strangers don't know he should be cab-forward while held), thinks it's HILARIOUS to grab his sisters' hair and not let go. Everyone feels sorry for him b/c off all the girls, but the kid will never have to share clothes or his room. He's the prince. Sometimes I wonder if the prince will always have to wear a bib...

And finally this is AC, the firstborn, age 3. Loves everything pink, most animals (even bugs *shiver*), salty foods, and dark chocolate (a girl after my own heart). She is precocious, strong-willed, and a bit naive about the world. Makes us laugh almost every day. She has a like/dislike of the triplets, which is understandable. It drives us a little crazy when they're all freaking out, too.

Those are the crumbgobblers. We don't love them for what they do. We love them because they're ours.

Some words of explanation...

So I've already been questioned about what Zone Defense and Stand Fast mean and here goes. In sports (I used to teach PE), zone defense is used is a type of defense (I'm often redundant) used as opposed to man-to-man, when the player is guarding a corresponding player from the other team. In zone, a player is given a zone to cover and can therefore cover more than one opposing player, if need be. In our house, J and I are outnumbered and can therefore no longer play man-to-man, or parent-to-child as it may be. We have to rely on zone.

Now on to Stand Fast. My husband's heritage is Scot and many of them feel strongly (he is included) about this. The family motto is "Stand Fast" and it not only accurately describes my immediate family, but it currently defines our lives as he and I can't and don't let our guards down and stay strong in rearing the wee ones. Forever and ever, amen.

What's this all about????

Hmm...Zone Defense is my family's story as my husband and I attempt to raise our 4 kids (a singleton and a set of trips). That's it. Nothing fabulous, but stay with me if you'd like to take a peek into our lives as we keep everything from spiraling out of control.

Oh - did I mention the kids are all under the age of 4? Have fun with us.