Thursday, April 4, 2013

"My heart is hurting"

One of the girls had a rough morning this Easter.  She is the one who wears the title-mentioned heart on her sleeve, the one who seems incapable of any degree of stoicism, and of maintaining some semblance of control over her emotions and behavior when feelings are running high. She is the one whose personality lives at the apex of the pendulum swing, rarely resting in equilibrium. As I say this it is important to note that we desperately love her in spite of that and we even more desperately love her because of that.

So when it's hard and there's more drama than usual, and on a day like today when we are in the middle of celebrating the joy of Easter, that the struggle becomes even more difficult when passions are escalating.  And after a challenging exchange of words when I'm trying in vain to find an angstrom of patience in my well, when she tells me her heart is hurting and broken, that my heart hurts and breaks too.  My heart breaks because I can't fix hers.  I try and try and as much as I desire, I will never be able to perfectly heal her. Don't misunderstand me, she is at the age where she needs me (and John) to make her feel unconditionally loved and to take away her hurt . It is one of the things we are commissioned to do, and it is a great blessing and privilege to make her feel loved.  Beauty results from the trying.

So I pray. I pray that one day she will discover that Mommy and Daddy do our best and have loved and still love with all we that we have. I pray that one day all the pieces will come together and she will know with absolute certainty that God is the only one who can heal her brokenness.  I pray that one day her healed heart will know Joy on Easter morning.