Friday, September 18, 2009

Wardrobe Malfunction

I have a knack for making an idiot out of myself. Regularly. I'm not even including the ridiculous stuff that pops out of my mouth sometimes and that's so bad I'm considering duct taping my mouth shut every time I go to a social event from now until...forever.

Anywho, I've had several catastrophic and lesser clothing fiascoes in the last few years. Sure, everyone has left their zipper down in their lifetime and if it's just the pants/jeans zipper it is grouped along with the something-in-your-teeth category. I've had my share of those. No biggie.

I've also had my share of this:
1. Stopped by the mall on a SATURDAY after a luncheon (good grief did I look cute!) because I hadn't had time to buy clothing in a couple years. This is true because I had been preggers with Ainsley and then had actually worked out and was at a fun size again. Time for a reward. So, tried on some outfits at one store, obviously got redressed to wander around some more. Actually ran into an ex-student. Walked around almost the entire mall and noticed 45 minutes later (while in a dressing room trying on something else) that I had forgotten to zip up the back of my BLACK skirt and the tail of my PINK dress-shirt I had tucked in was sticking so far out it should have had a red flag dangling off the end of it because it was illegal for the roads.
2. Same skirt. Got dressed in a hurry and forgot to zip. Sweater worn this time, so instead of a shirttail for everyone to see, it was my hiney. Lots and lots of hiney. Did I mention this happened at church? And John noticed, grabbed a handful of sweater and yanked me back to him (thank you honey! really!) as I was walking down the aisle looking for a place to sit? And we were late (as usual) so everyone else was already sitting? Sigh.

Why am I posting about this? Well, we had "meet the teacher" day at Ainsley's school several days ago and I wore my summer uniform: skirt of some sort + t-shirt. No worries, right? What could go wrong? Silly, silly, Kitty. It started going south early because:
1. I had to bring the triplets with me
2. It was during snack time, which necessitated bringing in the backpack I use as a diaper bag
3. Every family in her class decided to come at the same time for the open house. (30+ bodies in the room = unavoidable chaos which is distracting)

My hands were full of 2 screaming children (Johnny and Gracie thought I was leaving them there), forms to turn in, talking to the teachers/parents/other kids, throwing snacks at the triplets, and trying to block the door so Lizzy and Johnny wouldn't escape, yet let other parents and children in at the same time (WHY do people stand in doorways? Stop that!! Or at least have the wherewithal to grab a kidlet as they are running out so I don't have to shove you aside!). Lots of bending down and lifting up and bending down again. All of this added up to my t-shirt rising up my back (unbeknown to me) and my skirt sliding down from my middle (also unbeknown to me) which resulted in a good 3" portion of my underwear-covered fanny displayed every time I leaned forward or squatted down a bit. This happened a lot because of what I mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph. After, oh, about 20 minutes (did I mention all the PARENTS that were there???) I felt a tugging on the back of my top as a fellow mom casually rearranged my clothing because "your underwear was hanging out". Ugh. Fabulous first impression. Classic.

When do I quit embarrassing myself?

1 comment:

BKicklighter said...

Yeah, but you are WAY set for one of those "embarrassing moments" games that shouldn't ever be allowed at ANY function.